Creating Life - The worth of a soul

Things have been crazy, but wonderful, in our household of late. My wife just delivered our third child last Thursday - a baby boy. Seeing as how this blog is devoted to my wife and her basic awesomeness, it is only fitting that I write about some experiences regarding her bringing new life into the world and our home.

Before I go any further, I need to just say that my wife was a very tough trooper.  In our family, pregnancy means life is very different for everyone. My wife gets sick, her energy stores tend to tank big time, and honestly we fight more as a couple (and I'm not just chalking that up to wacky hormone levels - but also my own tiredness and impatience at times). Toward the end of the ordeal this time around, our home was in disarray more often than not, we ate less healthy because those meals tend to be easier to fix, the kids watched way more television than we would normally allow, and luckily we were saved by two wonderful mothers who were willing to come back to back so we could push through to the end. All that just to get a baby here. Not to mention her intense labor and delivery process which she endured with grace, beauty, and honesty ("I want to punch that lady in the face!" my wife yelled at one point as she ripped out her earphone. She wanted to punch the hypnotherapist whose recorded voice she was listening to so that she could be in a more relaxed state during her labor and delivery. Perhaps the CDs weren't totally worth the money). I love her brutal honesty!

This pregnancy, however, had a serious undertone of anxiety.  We found out at the second ultrasound that our son's umbilical cord was wrapped (perhaps twice) around his neck. I didn't tell my wife at the time, but I had earlier done some psychological testing with a man who had cognitive deficits which were very likely due to loss of oxygen at birth because of his cord being wrapped around his neck. I figured she didn't need to know about that. Because of the difficulty with the cord, I had some additional worries myself. During the last weeks leading up to delivery I had a few daydreams (more like day nightmares) where I would see/imagine that our son was born stillborn and we had to mourn his death at the time of his birth. Again, I didn't let my wife in on that one either until after our boy got here safely.

As you can imagine, we are both very excited to get him here - especially with no complications at birth.

I love this picture!  She looks so happy!

Though we were both excited, I was slightly dismayed that I didn't have overwhelming spiritual feelings or desires to be a better human being as I did with my older son. I was hoping for that feeling and thought like I might need it because I had been wondering if I could love another child as much as I love my older two children. That overwhelming feeling didn't come at first. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved this baby boy when he was first born, but to tell you the truth, I kind of thought he looked like a chunky-faced old man and thought, "hmmm, we made that? Ok. Well, thank goodness he's healthy." Not the reaction I was hoping for, exactly.

An important feeling came the following Sunday during church. I was wrestling my two year old while attempting to listen to the testimonies being born over the pulpit. I caught a few words here and there. One of the speakers spoke about the worth of a soul. I don't remember what he or she talked about much beyond that. But, my heart was touched with love, gratitude, and some justified fear.

Often when Mormons talk about the worth of a soul, it is put in the context of the scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 18:10-16 which discusses the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and how, if Christ was willing to suffer and die for each human, their souls must really be worth something. Then, the scripture goes into a missionary message about how all souls are precious and we need to share the good news of Christ's love and redeeming grace to everyone.

But, the message my heart received was different. I thought of the unlimited potential of each human being - particularly my own new little soul that was just safely delivered into my wife's and my care. We are told that the work and glory of God is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of His children (Moses 1:39). That sounds like an obvious statement, but thinking about the meaning of eternal life in a Mormon context means living with God and becoming like God. Now this is obviously deep doctrine and I don't want to speculate into realms that have only been lightly revealed (click here for what has), but given that context, the soul of our little bundle of joy is of infinite worth. He is learning early lessons on his way toward an eternal inheritance......and doing so in my house! Yikes! What a scary thought! No pressure, it's not like there's a whole lot riding on how you parent this little guy.

I was overwhelmed with a sense of love for our new son, realizing that waiting to develop somewhere behind that cute little face (yeah, he's cuter now) is a potential future god. I was overcome with gratitude to my Heavenly Father for having entrusted this little guy into my and my wife's care. And truthfully, as I think about it now, it's a huge responsibility to parent a child and it scares me - sometimes quite a bit. We have three now!

As it turns out, this realization of infinite worth and possibility spread toward my other children as well. They are also on their way toward eternity under my and my wife's care. So, I have found myself being a bit more patient and understanding with my older kids when they misbehave. I've been a bit slower to anger. That has been a blessing for me and my children.

My wife has been an amazing woman through this first week with a new baby (but she is always amazing). I honestly can't imagine doing this without her. She is up multiple times during the night feeding our son, she has already been peed on a number of times while changing diapers, and she seems to know just what to do when our son gets fussy. It's a treasure watching her hold him because I can see the deep love that probably only a mother can understand and express. She suffered with him for 9 months and continues to sacrifice all of herself for him each day. That is true love.

But, more than just taking care of our son's physical needs, I am grateful that my wife is available to help instill morals, values, and a sense of self-worth and responsibility in our children - things that will help them grow into the kind of people that will be able to successfully navigate the world. I'm glad we are on the same team!

As I described above, my wife and I had very emotionally taxing worries about our son making it. Now, God likely does not have neurotic anxiety regarding future outcomes, but I know that He wants each of us to make it back to Him. Your potential, my son's potential, indeed - everyone's potential is eternal. Truly the worth of each soul is great.

Pregnancy Nesting - A mental & physical health boost

I think I have incontrovertible evidence that nesting during pregnancy not only occurs (already well known), but that it can be healthy - both physically and mentally, which has not been as amply documented.

Here's the story:
My wife and I woke up Wednesday morning pretty early because our son seems to think that 6 am is a great time for being awake and playing. We're trying to train him to sleep in until 7, but it hasn't taken yet. My wife was feeling yucky the entire day. Sick, tired, just blah. Those of you who have been pregnant will probably understand. I haven't been, so I can only imagine. Later in the day I get a text from my wife about how sick she feels and how she wishes I didn't have to be at work that day. When I got home, she was still feeling sick and tired. You're getting the picture - this was an all day affair of pregnancy-induced illness.

On Wednesdays, I teach the 11-year old scouts at church in the evening.  To make it easier on my wife, I brought our daughter to scouts - she had been wanting to go for a long time.

When we get back and get our daughter to bed, my wife is still feeling a bit tired and down. After a TV program together, my wife gets up and decides to work on her current project - refinishing a bedside table and a chest of drawers.

This 'little' project has taken up my car's side of the garage. So, I'm parking in the driveway until this project is completed. The winter is starting to settle in. Getting into a freezing car is something I figured I wouldn't have to deal with once we bought a home. I feel like I'm back in college or living in an apartment still each morning. Basically, we are BOTH motivated for this project to be complete, but probably for different reasons.

Since I just started this little blog project, I tried to sneak a picture or two of my wife hard at work with the electric sander and her surgical mask to keep the dust and varnish particles out of her lungs. Interestingly, she didn't seem as sick at that moment as she adamantly refused for me to snap a picture, claiming that she looked terrible (don't believe it!). So, I didn't get a picture of my beautiful wife working on the project - but I did get some of the results from the evening.

Yes, she does wear pink gloves. Cute, right?

 

 

 

I mentioned at the beginning that I had incontrovertible evidence that nesting was mentally and physically beneficial - that may be somewhat of an overstatement. In fact, my wife's behavior may not even be nesting since much of what I have been reading states that nesting typically occurs during the 3rd trimester, which my wife has not yet entered. It could just be that she really likes doing this - which is also true. I think it is a little of both.

Back to "science". This little experience is clearly not on par with a clinical trial for a medicine or other treatment. At best it is a retrospective n=1 design - and really not a strong one at that. But, I tell you what, after working in the garage for an hour or so, my wife looked better, seemed to be in a better mood, and appeared to feel better physically. Was this actually the same woman who was feeling so down the majority of the day and just moments earlier? That's proof enough for me and I'll take those results any day of the week.

So, I submit to you that pregnancy nesting not only yields positive results in terms of homemaking and preparations for a new baby, but it leads to happier and healthier mothers-to-be. Note of caution, pregnant women should not do heavy lifting, climb ladders, or work with harsh chemicals (especially without ventilation). Those activities would most likely not yield positive benefits. See this article or this article from the American Pregnancy Association for info that is a bit more science-based than the current blog I'm writing.

For any guys who may be reading this (or women who have men in their life - you can pass this advice along), if your wife catches the nesting itch during her pregnancy - don't fight it! And if she requires some help in terms of heavy lifting or ladder climbing, take the opportunity to look macho! You may have to sacrifice some cold mornings in a car that was parked outside all night, some loud noises from an electric sander late into the evening (it's not that loud, anyways), or a few bucks for supplies, or whatever - the sacrifice will be worth the reward. During pregnancy, which is very likely to be filled with stress, strain, and blurred family roles as you pick up more of the slack, you want your wife to be healthier and happier. It'll make your life much happier, too. I know mine is!

You can thank me later.