Yes, Mommy does have a REAL job - and some pink curtains, too.

When we moved into our home, my wife immediately wanted to make curtains for my daughter's room. Pink ones, of course! I put up some resistance when I realized it would likely be cheaper to just buy some pink curtains and throw them up. Yeah, I'm still learning, but I've only been at this marriage thing for 3 1/2 years, cut me some slack. These curtains took quite a bit of time to make for a few reasons:

1) My wife did not know how to use a sewing machine,
2) My wife did not know how to make the curtains, and
3) These curtains were pretty intense, and quite ruffley I'll add.

In any work environment, there are obstacles that need to be overcome. And that's what my wife did here. First, she got a lesson from a family friend on how to use her sewing machine and obtained some continuing education from her own mother and my mother as well. I must add at this point that I am continually impressed with my wife's ability to learn new skills. Learning to sew on a  machine is just the tip of the iceberg with her. When she puts her mind and will into something, it's going to happen.
Second, she got a pattern and again enlisted the help of both her and my mother to go through the steps of the pattern. For those interested, the pattern for these curtains is found on the link to this blog
Third, she persisted.

Here is a picture of her hard at work:

Here is a picture of the finished product:

For those of you who have been keeping up with this little blog, besides being amazing and beautiful my wife is also pregnant. So, the difficulty level of anything she does is automatically doubled, tripled, or quadrupled. I'm not sure what the exchange rate is between normal work and work while pregnant, but I'm assuming it's pretty high. All I know is that recently, walking has become a chore for my wife - let alone doing anything else.

So, you can imagine my surprise and/or discontent when my daughter and I recently had the following brief conversation that went something like this:

Daughter: Dad, you have to go to work and I have to go to school, but mommy and brother just get to stay home all day and not work.

Me: Well, mommy does work.

Daughter: But, she doesn't have a job.

Me: Yes, she does. She works at home.

Daughter: (looking up and rolling her eyes a bit because, obviously, I wasn't getting her point) But, not a real job where she makes money.

Me: Sweetie, mommy doesn't make money at her job, but it's a very important job. She takes care of brother during the day, she takes care of the home, she's here when you get home from school, and takes care of you. Her job is definitely more important than anything I do at work.

The conversation basically ended here after a quick teaching moment about the merits of homemaking and sticking up for my wife's current chosen profession.

My daughter is seven. Kids this age are notoriously curious about the world and how they fit into it. She has already proclaimed that she will be about a million different occupations when she grows up - ranging from cheerleader (I was not really happy with that one), librarian, cook, psychologist, dentist, music teacher, etc. She is constantly asking questions. All of this, I should add, is very developmentally appropriate.

But, as I think about this conversation, I'm a bit troubled. Based on my daughters comments, it is evident that she has been absorbing social messages about what counts as work, what it means to have a job, and how to evaluate the merits of that job. These are strong messages that our society teaches in fairly certain terms. The basic traditional sense is this: leaving the house to do something and getting paid is what it means to have a job. The value of that job is determined by the amount of money that one is paid. Seems fairly straight forward - except in many many cases it is dead wrong.
Think of teachers - in most states they get paid peanuts compared to the true value they perform.
Think of mothers - most get paid absolutely nothing (in monetary terms).

I guess what frustrates me is that I don't want my daughter to grow up believing that if she is able to choose to be a homemaker than she is less valuable to society or to her family. I don't want her to dismiss the importance of motherhood because society says that it is worthless work, exploitative, or too much trouble. I think that Neal Maxwell summed up the importance of motherhood best with these words:

When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time.

I also realize that there is legion research, social commentary, feminist thought and essays, and other points of view that discuss various ways to think about and respond to the world of work as it pertains to women. That is outside the scope of this post.

I simply want to highlight that the role of my wife in our family is one that is irreplaceable. Our family would not function without her, and what society needs now most of all is families that function - and function well. A multiplicity of social ills could be cured if we were a nation of families that functioned well - where children grew up knowing they were loved, supported, where their parents had time for them, where appropriate boundaries were consistently enforced, etc. Our family is certainly not perfect and I don't want to paint it as such, but the work of my wife with our children in our home cannot be understated. And though she may not "make money" at her job, the investment that she is making is a sum that will reap eternal benefits and rewards for our family. I am grateful for all she does for me, our children, our home, and (yeah, I'll say it) I'm also grateful for those pink curtains - even if they are super frilly.

Crochet stories: Working in the home, being a nurturer, and a car pattern blanket

As I mentioned in my first post, my wife just recently finished this blanket for our son. It literally took about 1 year for her to complete.

 

 

 I know, it's amazing!

Don't tell him yet, but he's getting this for Christmas. 

Here are some pictures of the blanket in various stages of completion.

 

 

It is basically a patchwork of many small multicolored squares with some edging. Yes, we had little squares all over the place at one point.

My wife decided to make this blanket for our son because he loves cars. When he was just learning to walk he would carry around a cheap metal car from one of those Sonic kids meals. He took it everywhere.

Here is some evidence:

 

 

So, my wife looked through one of her pattern books, found this one and went for it. When she started, I don't think she realized how time intensive it would be. I think she also chose this particular pattern because the stitch (is that a crochet term?) was fairly easy. As with her other crochet items, she has been asked to replicate this for pay. But, how do you put a price tag on that much time? If you count love in time and effort, this blanket will be a monument to my son of his mother's love for him for many years to come. 

A blanket can be such a special gift (yes, I spent some time making fun of blankets in my last post, but only the hideously colored ones). Inspired by her love for our children and a desire to nurture them, my wife wanted to make a nice blanket for each of our kids. Blankets provide warmth, comfort, and a sense of being secure - all things that a mother can provide for her children. I know, I know, dads can too, but I'm not talking about dads right now. When my son falls or gets hurt, he cries, "Mommy, my ____ (fill in the ailing body part)." He is usually all better after a cuddle or a kiss from my wife. Then he can run around like a maniac again and get another bump or bruise. But, he knows that he can be comforted by his mommy. As I think about that, I am so grateful that my wife has cultivated this type of trust in our children. She truly cares about our kids' hurts and ouchies. And they happen a lot, especially to our son - he is 2 after all. I'm not going to say that there aren't times when she gets frazzled, rolls her eyes, or scolds our children. She is human after all. But, the bond that she is creating with our kids is so important in their development because it will provide fertile soil in which they can grow and blossom as individuals and hopefully productive members of society.

David O. McKay stated:

“No other success can compensate for failure in the home.”

What a powerful statement! I'm not going to try to define failure or success in the home because that certainly looks different for each individual. But, for me, I know when I'm too focused on work or my own wants to consider the needs of my wife or kids - that is a problem. I know from multiple experiences that selfish mindset generally doesn't pan out well for me or anyone else in my family.

But, we aren't talking about me, we are talking about my wife...

In addition to being amazing, my wife struggles with what I'm sure many women struggle with - whether to work inside of the home, outside of the home, or both. When we were first dating, she was in school for nursing, then switched a couple times. Most recently, she was doing a real estate program. I often wondered why she so often switched programs - I just figured she hadn't found her niche yet. Recently, in a very candid conversation that I am so grateful for, she confided that each time she was out studying, she felt a strong urge that her place was in the home with her children. She stated that she would often fight the urge because she is such an independent woman (I can totally vouch for that!) and wanted to use her talents in the workforce. Then one day she simply relinquished control over the issue and decided she needed to be at home with her children when they were young. I never really knew what a difficult struggle that was (and sometimes still is) for her and am kind of ashamed in my own failings to be there.

I realize that I'm treading on sacred ground here and that this issue is something with which many women struggle. There are certainly no canned, one-size-fits-all answers for any woman when it comes to the juggling act that is childrearing and earning a living. I only know what my wife told me about her own answer that came in moments of quiet reflection, after a great deal of difficulty, frustration, and in some cases pain.

Let me just say, I am thankful for a wife who realizes that her children are a treasure and that her work inside the home during their early years is of much greater importance than anything I could ever accomplish outside of the home. Again, yes, I also realize that a man's work inside the home is also very important and needed, but again - I'm not talking about me or other men right now.

As I think about my wife, the woman she is, and how much time she is putting into these projects for our children, it seems to me that crochet (or other projects in the home) is a way that she gives of herself and nurtures our children. She was willing to work one year on this blanket just to show our son, who probably won't fully understand until much later, that she loves him very much. 

Yes, she is awesome!

The pattern for this blanket can be found in:
The Big Book of Baby Afghans by Leisure Arts. You can order the book on their website.

It is also available on Amazon at this link