Broken Wedding Ring

My wedding ring has been through some trauma as of late. A few weeks ago, I lost it. I came home from work, took it off, then.... it was just gone. About a week later it finally turned up. I was wrestling with the kids in the living room and saw it just laying there by my head on the floor. I was very excited to get it back, but also a bit surprised at how it had gone unnoticed in such a high traffic area. I swear, we vacuum. My wife commented that she was very glad that our ten month old didn't try to eat it and choke on it. I'm glad for that, too.

It's safe to say that I have been giving my wedding ring more thought since it was lost and subsequently found. It is quite unique, after all. My wife got me one of those tungsten rings with a cool pattern across the band. That isn't what makes it unique, though. My ring is cracked almost all the way through in one part of the band.

Here's the story: I hate flies. During dinner one day there happened to be a fly buzzing around my face. It was a colder day and my fingers were a bit more thin. I swatted at the fly with my hand, the ring flung off my finger, smacked against the tile floor, and BAM! a big chunk of it flew off.

At first, I was really upset. The ring felt uncomfortable on my finger. I tried to get it replaced or repaired. No protection plan - no help. I thought about replacing it with a new ring, but I didn't really want to get a ring other than the one my wife gave to me in the temple on our wedding day. This ring is special for that reason. I also didn't want to shell out the cash for another ring. I can be kind of tight that way. The break in my ring came up in conversation one day with a patient and he mentioned that the ring had "character." I agree.

A few weeks ago I was looking at the ring and noticed how, because of the break, the ring looks stressed, worn, and fragile - like it was one good smack away from breaking apart completely. Yet it was still intact. For some reason, I was struck with the thought that I was grateful for this break, glad that my ring had a huge tear almost all the way through. It is a reminder of what could happen if I do not take care of it.

...And then I thought about my marriage and my wife. My wife and I have been stressed, worn down, and at times the marriage has seemed somewhat fragile. We have made it through some difficult times, but are still together. I thought about how this ring is a reminder to me of what could possibly happen to my marriage if I don't take care of it, a reminder to me of my responsibility to love and care for my wife. It is a reminder also that marriages, in general, can be fragile if they are not cared for.

Now, please don't misunderstand - I'm not saying that all marriages are inherently weak, that they are one good fight away from plunging into divorce, or that couples should walk around on eggshells for fear of accidentally breaking this fragile entity known as a marriage. I also am not stating that fighting is inherently bad or that fighting will destroy a relationship. A well-known psychologist, Dr. Gottman, has made a career out of researching marriages. He has stated that even couples in very strong marriages fight and have conflict, disagreements, and differences that are seemingly unsolvable. However, the difference is that couples in strong marriages tend to offer their spouse a measure of respect during the process of the argument, fight, or disagreement. This is a gross over-generalization of his statements on this issue, as you may have guessed. If you want more info, feel free to read his books or research articles.

But what I am stating is this: marriage is a type of relationship that if not cared for will break apart. Marriage in our society is a very fragile institution. I'm not sure of the actual rate of divorce in the United States, but everyone seems to quote 50% of marriages end in divorce. Even if that figure is somewhat inflated, the stability of marriage in the US is quite tenuous. I don't really want to enumerate all of the forces at work trying to tear marriages apart, but I will simply say this - there are a lot.

Because marriage can be so fragile, it must be protected, safeguarded, and looked after. In a talk on marriage, H Burton Howard compared marriage to a set of nice silverware that his wife was particularly fond of. He stated, "If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently" just like his wife treated the silverware set differently than any of their other possessions. In doing some reflection, I realized anew the importance of caring for my wife, listening to her, being interested in the things that are important to her, respecting her, sharing her hopes, fears, dreams, etc. When we ignore the needs and desires of our spouse, when we take our spouse for granted, and certainly if we abuse or mistreat our spouse, we are doing damage that could possibly be irreparable.

On the day my wife gave me this ring, it was seemingly perfect, whole, and symbolized the eternal nature of the bond we were creating that day. Now, when I see my ring, I am reminded that a marriage (mine included) is fragile and that because it is breakable I must treat her with more care, must safeguard her, and be there for her. It is still a symbol of that eternal bond, but with an added realization that I must treat her differently.

...and it also reminds me to use a fly swatter.

Lessons from my Wife Working (Outside the Home)

A few months back, my wife decided she wanted to work outside the home. It was a tough decision that she and I came to for a multitude of reasons. Some of these were financial - to help our family pay down debt. Some were emotional and interpersonal - she shared with me that she was struggling with postpartum depression and thought that getting out of the house and having some face time with people who were not children or mommies might do her some good. It was very important to me that I be supportive of her as she struggled to make this choice. She finally indicated that she felt good about starting to work. She put in an application at a local department store and was hired almost immediately.

I was excited for her! She would be able to make some more money, she would be able to get a break from the kids, she would make more friends. I thought these would enrich her life. Also, if this helped with some of the depression, then she would likely be more engaged with the children when she was at home with them. 

I was also excited for me, too. I would get to demonstrate to my wife how awesome I was at childrearing. I would get to do what I wanted with the kids in the evenings and not worry about following her instructions. And yeah, I'll admit it, there was a part of me that thought I could do it better than she did.

As an added bonus, her work was flexible with our schedule. I would be able to go to work during the day and then we would switch cars at the parking lot for my wife's job. It was a perfect scenario. No day care or babysitters. Sweet! Everything was set and perfect.

The first night went off like a charm. I had the kids fed, worn out from playing, in bed, and all went according to plan. I was pretty proud of myself. I probably looked fairly smug, because my wife sat me down on the couch and said, "Honey, don't expect every night to be this easy. It won't always go perfectly."

HOW RIGHT SHE WAS!!!!!!!

There are numerous lessons that I have learned (or are in the process of learning) from this experience of my wife being in the corporate workforce.

1. My wife's job as a mother is HARD!

Some days I'm awesome at it. It all seems to go so smoothly. I can get dinner on while intermittently holding a baby, check over homework, have a dance party to some pop radio station on Pandora, get the kids all worn out, have bath time, get the middle child in bed, then put the baby down, read my oldest daugher a chapter from a Harry Potter book and done. I'm on the couch chilling out by 8:00 (or more likely doing dishes or cleaning the house).
 
But most of the time not so much - like the time I lost my middle child in the mall while trying to feed the baby when we were at the play place. Yeah, that was terrifying. Luckily some concerned mother took him to customer service. Or the times when I have the baby asleep and am picking up the book to start reading to my daughter and he wakes up and starts to cry again. Or the middle child gets out of bed for what seems like the millionth time. Or the many times when my patience is exremely thin, my energy is low and it is all I can do to just get some food on the table (frozen pizza anyone?), turn on a movie for the kids, or send them out to the backyard (if only they would stay out there for more time).

I kid you not, I actually started to have anxiety reactions upon driving from my work to my wife's work to pick up the kids - my stomach would get tight, my shoulders would ache, my knees would start to hurt some. I had to remind myself to take deep breaths and say affirming statements. I was doing psychotherapy on myself. At least I have faith in my own craft, right?

There have been times when I have completely lost my patience, my temper, and I'm sure my son and daughter know some unsavory words thanks to me. I had a few moments, one in particular, where I thought I was completely losing my mind.

I said above that my wife was right about each night not being easy. That's an understatement. Taking care of three kids in the evenings and on the weekends that my wife is at work is a monumental task for me and it has been extremely difficult. It has opened my eyes to the task that my wife faces each day when I am at work. The times when I would come home from work and she would say, "I need to escape for a while" make complete sense now.

2. Practice and experience improve performance

Yes, it has been difficult. Yes, I have lost it on more than one occasion. Yes, some days I just want to check out and "go to the bathroom" (I swear, my kids are going to grow up thinking that I have some kind of gastrointestinal problem with how long it takes me to "go potty" <wink wink>). But, over time, it has gotten easier. This isn't to say that the seams can't come unloose at any moment, but in general the trend has been onward and upward. The days do get relatively easier, the frequency of easier days has increased, and I have a better feel for what should happen, how it should happen, and when it needs to happen. A quote that has been attributed to both Ralph Waldo Emerson and Heber J. Grant seems to sum up how I feel about this:

“That which we persist in doing becomes easy to do; not because the nature of the thing has changed, but because our power to do it has increased.”

Now, I wouldn't say that it is "easy" for me - not by a longshot. But, it is getting easier. I believe that my power to raise these children has increased. Sure, I'm definitely not perfect at it, but I feel much more confident.

This looks like it was probably one of the easy days...


3. My kids love and miss their mommy

Some of you may have read the post I wrote about my wife already having a REAL job as a mother and the conversation my daughter and I had about this. My wife has told me many times that our oldest daughter always wanted her mommy to go out to work. Now that it has become a reality, the grass doesn't seem all that greener on the other side. My daughter has said to me on more than one occasion that she wants her mommy. Now, to be honest, this has mostly happened in the midst of her being disciplined for something and was likely a manipulation attempt. But, there is definitely a joy and happiness that fills my children's faces when mommy comes home on the Saturdays or Sundays she is required to work. The youngest definitely gets excited when mommy comes home at night (if he has been refusing to fall asleep) and he gets his cuddles. It has been nice to see my wife enjoying that moment upon returning home from work - the kids running to give hugs and kisses, and yelling out "mommy!!!". It is quite a re-affirming moment when you realize that (even though the kids might sometimes act like they are plotting your demise) they actually do love you. It has been nice to see how much the children love and adore their mother.

4. I have become a better husband and father

Through it all, this experience has strengthened me. Not too long ago, my wife and I found ourselves in our now former bishop's office discussing some marital and parenting issues. His advice was pretty obvious in theory, but difficult in practice. He told us that in the evenings we both had to be 100% engaged in the work of the family - taking care of kids, getting the dinner on, etc. If we were both united and working side by side, we could own the situation - especially if we had the Lord's help. I don't think I appreciated or really took this advice to heart until my wife went back to work. I had to demonstrate the ability to do it all by myself. I have come to realize what actually has to happen at night. I have shown that I can make it happen. Before, I generally followed my wife's lead and just did what she told me to do (not a bad thing, but certainly not the best). There is a scripture that basically says we shouldn't be commanded in all things, but should do good things of our own accord (D&C 58:26&27). I'm sure that my waiting for her lead in helping out at night was frustrating for my wife.

Now, when my wife has a night off and we are both at home during dinner and the nighttime routine, it is a much sweeter and easier experience for me. I can read that Harry Potter book to my daughter and know that my wife will take care of the crying baby. Or I can put both of the older children to bed so my wife can enjoy her time with the baby. Or any multiple combinations of task division. This has made life easier for my wife and I believe I am better for it.


Some final thoughts:
I hope that I am not being misinterpreted: This is not a clarion call that all mothers should work outside of the home. This post is not advocating for or against that. This happened to be my wife's choice at that time. It has been a difficult process for me, but also for my wife. She could likely write a post of her own about what working outside the home has been like for her (the good and the bad). I continue to maintain what I said in earlier posts that the work my wife does inside the home is of infinitely more value than the work I do outside the home. I continue to affirm that the role of mother is a beautiful one that enriches and blesses the lives of everyone in the family. That being said, my wife's choice was a personal one and I believe the right choice for her at that time. I guess that if this post is advocating for anything it would be the importance of supporting your spouse through decision-making processes and realizing that growth and blessings can come regardless of the choice.

That, and keeping your freezer stocked with frozen pizza - just in case.

3rd Child & Blogging Update

Since the birth of our third child, the blogging has significantly dropped off - and by drop off I mean I haven't written in about 10 months. So, yeah, a bit more than just a break, I guess. Turns out having three kids is quite a bit different than just having two. I think that my wife and I knew this (at least cognitively) prior to the arrival of #3, but now it is safe to say that we have experienced what being outnumbered by kids feels like. But, we are lucky - we have 3 amazing kids. They might make us a little crazy a lot of the time - or a lot crazy a little bit of the time, but I'm grateful for each of them.

This picture pretty much sums up what I've wanted to do the majority of my free time since having our 3rd child (hence, the lack of blog posts):

 

Alas, those moments of precious sleep are few and far between. Luckily, amid all of the crazies, I do get moments like this:

And this....

And it becomes worth it.
But (and I don't think I'm alone here) seeing this at the end of a long day is one of my favorites:

So, with this long break in blogging I've also decided to change up the blog a bit. Instead of the blog being solely focused on my wife, I've expanded the focus to include stories about my children, events from life, insights that may (hopefully) be of interest. Generally, I will try to make these uplifting, inspiring, and faith-promoting but also about real-life issues. And of course, I will continue to share cool things that my wife is doing.

Happy reading!

Creating Life - The worth of a soul

Things have been crazy, but wonderful, in our household of late. My wife just delivered our third child last Thursday - a baby boy. Seeing as how this blog is devoted to my wife and her basic awesomeness, it is only fitting that I write about some experiences regarding her bringing new life into the world and our home.

Before I go any further, I need to just say that my wife was a very tough trooper.  In our family, pregnancy means life is very different for everyone. My wife gets sick, her energy stores tend to tank big time, and honestly we fight more as a couple (and I'm not just chalking that up to wacky hormone levels - but also my own tiredness and impatience at times). Toward the end of the ordeal this time around, our home was in disarray more often than not, we ate less healthy because those meals tend to be easier to fix, the kids watched way more television than we would normally allow, and luckily we were saved by two wonderful mothers who were willing to come back to back so we could push through to the end. All that just to get a baby here. Not to mention her intense labor and delivery process which she endured with grace, beauty, and honesty ("I want to punch that lady in the face!" my wife yelled at one point as she ripped out her earphone. She wanted to punch the hypnotherapist whose recorded voice she was listening to so that she could be in a more relaxed state during her labor and delivery. Perhaps the CDs weren't totally worth the money). I love her brutal honesty!

This pregnancy, however, had a serious undertone of anxiety.  We found out at the second ultrasound that our son's umbilical cord was wrapped (perhaps twice) around his neck. I didn't tell my wife at the time, but I had earlier done some psychological testing with a man who had cognitive deficits which were very likely due to loss of oxygen at birth because of his cord being wrapped around his neck. I figured she didn't need to know about that. Because of the difficulty with the cord, I had some additional worries myself. During the last weeks leading up to delivery I had a few daydreams (more like day nightmares) where I would see/imagine that our son was born stillborn and we had to mourn his death at the time of his birth. Again, I didn't let my wife in on that one either until after our boy got here safely.

As you can imagine, we are both very excited to get him here - especially with no complications at birth.

I love this picture!  She looks so happy!

Though we were both excited, I was slightly dismayed that I didn't have overwhelming spiritual feelings or desires to be a better human being as I did with my older son. I was hoping for that feeling and thought like I might need it because I had been wondering if I could love another child as much as I love my older two children. That overwhelming feeling didn't come at first. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved this baby boy when he was first born, but to tell you the truth, I kind of thought he looked like a chunky-faced old man and thought, "hmmm, we made that? Ok. Well, thank goodness he's healthy." Not the reaction I was hoping for, exactly.

An important feeling came the following Sunday during church. I was wrestling my two year old while attempting to listen to the testimonies being born over the pulpit. I caught a few words here and there. One of the speakers spoke about the worth of a soul. I don't remember what he or she talked about much beyond that. But, my heart was touched with love, gratitude, and some justified fear.

Often when Mormons talk about the worth of a soul, it is put in the context of the scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 18:10-16 which discusses the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and how, if Christ was willing to suffer and die for each human, their souls must really be worth something. Then, the scripture goes into a missionary message about how all souls are precious and we need to share the good news of Christ's love and redeeming grace to everyone.

But, the message my heart received was different. I thought of the unlimited potential of each human being - particularly my own new little soul that was just safely delivered into my wife's and my care. We are told that the work and glory of God is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of His children (Moses 1:39). That sounds like an obvious statement, but thinking about the meaning of eternal life in a Mormon context means living with God and becoming like God. Now this is obviously deep doctrine and I don't want to speculate into realms that have only been lightly revealed (click here for what has), but given that context, the soul of our little bundle of joy is of infinite worth. He is learning early lessons on his way toward an eternal inheritance......and doing so in my house! Yikes! What a scary thought! No pressure, it's not like there's a whole lot riding on how you parent this little guy.

I was overwhelmed with a sense of love for our new son, realizing that waiting to develop somewhere behind that cute little face (yeah, he's cuter now) is a potential future god. I was overcome with gratitude to my Heavenly Father for having entrusted this little guy into my and my wife's care. And truthfully, as I think about it now, it's a huge responsibility to parent a child and it scares me - sometimes quite a bit. We have three now!

As it turns out, this realization of infinite worth and possibility spread toward my other children as well. They are also on their way toward eternity under my and my wife's care. So, I have found myself being a bit more patient and understanding with my older kids when they misbehave. I've been a bit slower to anger. That has been a blessing for me and my children.

My wife has been an amazing woman through this first week with a new baby (but she is always amazing). I honestly can't imagine doing this without her. She is up multiple times during the night feeding our son, she has already been peed on a number of times while changing diapers, and she seems to know just what to do when our son gets fussy. It's a treasure watching her hold him because I can see the deep love that probably only a mother can understand and express. She suffered with him for 9 months and continues to sacrifice all of herself for him each day. That is true love.

But, more than just taking care of our son's physical needs, I am grateful that my wife is available to help instill morals, values, and a sense of self-worth and responsibility in our children - things that will help them grow into the kind of people that will be able to successfully navigate the world. I'm glad we are on the same team!

As I described above, my wife and I had very emotionally taxing worries about our son making it. Now, God likely does not have neurotic anxiety regarding future outcomes, but I know that He wants each of us to make it back to Him. Your potential, my son's potential, indeed - everyone's potential is eternal. Truly the worth of each soul is great.

Yes, Mommy does have a REAL job - and some pink curtains, too.

When we moved into our home, my wife immediately wanted to make curtains for my daughter's room. Pink ones, of course! I put up some resistance when I realized it would likely be cheaper to just buy some pink curtains and throw them up. Yeah, I'm still learning, but I've only been at this marriage thing for 3 1/2 years, cut me some slack. These curtains took quite a bit of time to make for a few reasons:

1) My wife did not know how to use a sewing machine,
2) My wife did not know how to make the curtains, and
3) These curtains were pretty intense, and quite ruffley I'll add.

In any work environment, there are obstacles that need to be overcome. And that's what my wife did here. First, she got a lesson from a family friend on how to use her sewing machine and obtained some continuing education from her own mother and my mother as well. I must add at this point that I am continually impressed with my wife's ability to learn new skills. Learning to sew on a  machine is just the tip of the iceberg with her. When she puts her mind and will into something, it's going to happen.
Second, she got a pattern and again enlisted the help of both her and my mother to go through the steps of the pattern. For those interested, the pattern for these curtains is found on the link to this blog
Third, she persisted.

Here is a picture of her hard at work:

Here is a picture of the finished product:

For those of you who have been keeping up with this little blog, besides being amazing and beautiful my wife is also pregnant. So, the difficulty level of anything she does is automatically doubled, tripled, or quadrupled. I'm not sure what the exchange rate is between normal work and work while pregnant, but I'm assuming it's pretty high. All I know is that recently, walking has become a chore for my wife - let alone doing anything else.

So, you can imagine my surprise and/or discontent when my daughter and I recently had the following brief conversation that went something like this:

Daughter: Dad, you have to go to work and I have to go to school, but mommy and brother just get to stay home all day and not work.

Me: Well, mommy does work.

Daughter: But, she doesn't have a job.

Me: Yes, she does. She works at home.

Daughter: (looking up and rolling her eyes a bit because, obviously, I wasn't getting her point) But, not a real job where she makes money.

Me: Sweetie, mommy doesn't make money at her job, but it's a very important job. She takes care of brother during the day, she takes care of the home, she's here when you get home from school, and takes care of you. Her job is definitely more important than anything I do at work.

The conversation basically ended here after a quick teaching moment about the merits of homemaking and sticking up for my wife's current chosen profession.

My daughter is seven. Kids this age are notoriously curious about the world and how they fit into it. She has already proclaimed that she will be about a million different occupations when she grows up - ranging from cheerleader (I was not really happy with that one), librarian, cook, psychologist, dentist, music teacher, etc. She is constantly asking questions. All of this, I should add, is very developmentally appropriate.

But, as I think about this conversation, I'm a bit troubled. Based on my daughters comments, it is evident that she has been absorbing social messages about what counts as work, what it means to have a job, and how to evaluate the merits of that job. These are strong messages that our society teaches in fairly certain terms. The basic traditional sense is this: leaving the house to do something and getting paid is what it means to have a job. The value of that job is determined by the amount of money that one is paid. Seems fairly straight forward - except in many many cases it is dead wrong.
Think of teachers - in most states they get paid peanuts compared to the true value they perform.
Think of mothers - most get paid absolutely nothing (in monetary terms).

I guess what frustrates me is that I don't want my daughter to grow up believing that if she is able to choose to be a homemaker than she is less valuable to society or to her family. I don't want her to dismiss the importance of motherhood because society says that it is worthless work, exploitative, or too much trouble. I think that Neal Maxwell summed up the importance of motherhood best with these words:

When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time.

I also realize that there is legion research, social commentary, feminist thought and essays, and other points of view that discuss various ways to think about and respond to the world of work as it pertains to women. That is outside the scope of this post.

I simply want to highlight that the role of my wife in our family is one that is irreplaceable. Our family would not function without her, and what society needs now most of all is families that function - and function well. A multiplicity of social ills could be cured if we were a nation of families that functioned well - where children grew up knowing they were loved, supported, where their parents had time for them, where appropriate boundaries were consistently enforced, etc. Our family is certainly not perfect and I don't want to paint it as such, but the work of my wife with our children in our home cannot be understated. And though she may not "make money" at her job, the investment that she is making is a sum that will reap eternal benefits and rewards for our family. I am grateful for all she does for me, our children, our home, and (yeah, I'll say it) I'm also grateful for those pink curtains - even if they are super frilly.

5 Yummy Fudge Recipes!

Fudge is one of those treats that seems to go hand-in-hand with the Christmas season. Just like trees, lights, and nativity scenes - fudge makes its appearance on cute little red and green colored plates around the end of November and all through December.

This year, my wife has been experimenting with some fudge recipes that have been in the family for years and some others that she found online. If you haven't already guessed, my wife is big into Pinterest. I used to think that Pinterest was destroying my life and our relationship, but I got over it, and shocker - our relationship is just fine! Honestly, if that was going to bring our marriage down, then we probably had larger relational fish to fry.

Anyways, back to fudge (always a good segue). This year, she is reprising some tried and true recipes and trying out new ones. In total, she has made 5 different types of fudge. Feel free to eat your heart out - I'll be eating fudge.
But don't worry! I've typed out or included links to all of the recipes that my wife has made so you can stop eating your heart out and try a bit of fudge, too.

1. 4 Minute Microwave Fudge
This first recipe I'll share is an easy one that originated with my mother. I'm sure she didn't make it up, but I attribute its existence to her.

Interesting side story about my mother. She decided over a decade ago that she would give up eating candy. You might be thinking "what would ever inspire someone to make such a rash decision?" No, she's not diabetic nor suffering from any serious medical problems. Here's the reason. She was helping an elderly gentleman who had been smoking practically all of his life to stop smoking. She made a deal with him that if he would stop smoking she would give up something that she really liked - candy. He accepted the deal. He quit smoking and she quit eating candy (she allows herself to eat desserts only on Sundays, per the arrangement). He has since passed away, but she remains faithful to her commitment. Yes, my mom is that kind of amazing. She still makes the fudge for her family to eat. I know, it sounds like torture, but she does it anyway.

This recipe is perfect for kids to help with - then you can praise them for their delicious creation. Our 6 year old was so proud of the fudge she made!

Here is the recipe:

• 2 Cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 1 cup milk chocolate chips
• 1 can sweetened condensed milk
• 1/2 cup butter/margarine
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract (added later)

Combine all ingredients (except vanilla) in a bowl, microwave and cook on high for 4 minutes. Remove, stir until smooth. Add vanilla. You can also add 1 cup of chopped walnuts if you want. Pour into a 9x9 pan and cool 1 hour.

2. Peppermint Oreo Fudge
My wife copied this recipe down and made it for the first time last year. It was a huge hit and she decided to make it again this year. We took it to a church party and there were no left overs. Not sure how I felt about that (glad that others enjoyed it, but sad there was none left... you can probably identify). In the top picture, it's the fudge that has chocolate on bottom and pink in the middle with cookie crumbles on top. My wife said she probably got the recipe from Pinterest, but couldn't find the link anymore. So, we're not trying to take credit for coming up with this - just sharing the deliciousness with all of you.

• 1 bag milk chocolate Hershey Kisses
• 1 cup chocolate chips or chocolate candy melts
• 1 bag peppermint candy cane Hershey Kisses
• 1 cup white chocolate chips or candy melts
• 2 cups crushed Oreo cookies
• 2 cans (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk

- Prep a 9x13 baking dish by lining it with parchment paper and lightly spraying with non-stick spray.
- Combine milk chocolate Kisses, milk chocolate chips or melts, and 1 can sweetened condensed milk.
- Stir over low heat until melted and smooth. It should pull away from the pan. Fold 1 cup of crushed Oreo cookies into the mixture.
- Pour chocolate mixture into the prepared dish
- Combine candy cane Kisses, white chocolate chips or melts, and 1 can sweetened condensed milk.
- Stir over low heat until smooth and completely melted. It should pull away from the pan.
- Pour the white chocolate mixture over the chocolate Oreo mixture and spread evenly.
- Sprinkle the remaining Oreo crumbs over the top and press lightly into the fudge.
- Let cool ~5 hours

3. Mint Truffle Oreo Fudge
This recipe is one that my wife came up with. In the second picture, it is the all chocolate one with cookies on top. She made it for the first time this year. It's a bit gooey, but definitely yummy. It is a spin off of the Peppermint Oreo Fudge.
There are three main differences.
First, instead of using peppermint candy cane Hershey Kisses, use a bag of mint truffle Hershey Kisses.
Second, instead of using white chocolate chips, use regular milk chocolate chips.
Third, instead of using regular Oreos, use cool mint Oreos.
Everything else is the same as the Peppermint Oreo Fudge.

4. No Bake Reese's Fudge Bars
This recipe was also gleaned from Pinterest, which linked to the Six Sister Stuff website. Don't know anything about them, but they have some great fudge recipes! My wife made this one just the other day and it is probably one of my favorites.
I highly recommend clicking the link and trying it out.

5. 4 Ingredient Rocky Road Fudge
This recipe was another grab from the same website above. Here is the link.
It's been a tough job, but someone had to taste test and decide which of these 5 recipes are the best. Honestly, I can't tell, but this one is also amazing - especially if you like marshmallows and nuts.

Now, you might be wondering if we are a family of gluttons. I promise we aren't - at least not too extreme. My wife's affinity for fudge making serves a number of purposes. First and most obvious, she likes chocolate and she knows that the kids and I do, too. She also likes to try new recipes and gets a great deal of enjoyment out of cooking. She says its a stress reliever. In addition to these reasons, my wife loves to make gift plates for the neighbors and other friends. She has a very giving heart. It's just one of her ways to show love and spread some Christmas cheer.

Hopefully you will enjoy these recipes as much as we have!

Wife's Wisdom: How our Flood didn't Steal Christmas

With the Christmas season upon us, there has been an increased level of activity in our home - particularly in the area of Christmas decorating. During our first Christmas as a married couple, we decided to continue my wife's family's tradition of decorating the tree and home as a family while listening to Christmas music and then enjoy a cup of hot chocolate together. We continued that tradition this year with both of our children joining in. Our older daughter was actually helpful and did a great job getting the ornaments on the tree (albeit mainly bunched in one area). Our two year old mostly ran around the room, but at least he didn't destroy anything.

My wife has an amazing eye for what looks good. She picked out a beautiful Christmas tree, and after the lights and decorations were on, she thought that adding some gold mesh glittery garnish (I really don't know what it's called) would make the tree look just right. She made the garland by getting some gold mesh (which you can probably get at any craft store like Hobby Lobby), bunching it up and creating bulges by tying gold and green pipe cleaners around it. Quite inventive, if you ask me. You can see what I mean below. She spent a great deal of time putting the finishing touches on this tree.

Here is the result:

About a week or so ago, she decided to put some presents under the tree, hoping that our 2 year old wouldn't grab, unwrap, scatter, or otherwise destroy the presents. He has done amazing and hasn't opened a single one.

It was shaping up to be a picture-perfect Christmas in our household.

Then last Saturday happened.

While at a scout activity, I got a text from my wife asking if I knew anyone who had a shop vac that could suck up water. This is not the text you want to get - ever. Then, later, I got a phone call from her, frantically asking if I'd come home early from the activity.

I discovered that the discharge from our washing machine had somehow pulled out of the wall and leaked gallons of water onto the floor and had seaped into our bedroom and the family room carpets. Then, just to make it more interesting, the Christmas tree fell over, spilling water all over the presents and drenching that part of the floor as well.

Here are some pictures of the fallout:

 

After most of the water was wiped up with all of the towels in our house, we used fans and shirts to try and dry out the carpets.

 



 Here I am trying to dry up the carpet with the shop vac where the tree had fallen over.

 We had to pull up the carpet and get the wet padding out to avoid mold. Which put our bedroom in quite a bit of a mess.

Talk about a stressful morning for my wife! To add a bit of perspective to the situation, my wife is in her 3rd trimester of pregnancy, I had been away for the previous 2 days, and she was at home with two young children and her father-in-law who was visiting that morning.

Yet, in the midst of floods and a toppled tree, my wife's wisdom does not disappoint. When the tree fell over (for the second time) my daughter was, naturally, very upset and exclaimed, "Christmas is ruined!" Noticing a teaching moment, my wife stated:

"Christmas is not ruined. Christmas is not about trees or presents, it's about Jesus."

I've thought about my wife's statement quite a bit since our Christmas flood of 2013 (hopefully it won't be an annual thing). We spent a lot of time, energy, and money on the tree, the decorations, and the presents. My wife certainly put a great deal of her soul into making sure the tree was lovely, the presents precisely wrapped, and the decorations on the tree trimmed just right. She loves to make sure things look beautiful and is a natural homemaker. As I've said before, her ability as a homemaker is a beautiful gift that she gives to me and our children each day. And yet she recognized that the tree, the decorations, the beautifully wrapped presents, and even a dry carpet are non-essential Christmas items. She knew that there is truly only one essential Christmas emblem - Christ Himself.

Most presents are likely to be forgotten or broken as time passes; trees will be mulched, trashed, or gather dust in an attic; most decorations eventually break; but God's gift of his Son to each of us is as timeless as eternity.  I believe John put the essence of Christmas best when he wrote:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16). 

I'm grateful for my wife who, right in the midst of what seemed like a Christmas season-ending disaster, had the insight to teach all of us in our family what Christmas is really about.

Since the flood and tree falling incident, we have fixed the carpet (after a couple of late nights) and put the tree back in place. We have yet to redecorate the tree or put the angel on top - it's a combination of fear that it will fall again, not wanting to replace broken lights, and simple laziness since Christmas is so close anyways. So, the tree looks much more plain than it did before. But, each time I look at that tree, I remember our little experience last week. Some of the frustration comes back, as does some sadness for all of the hard work that my wife put into such a beautiful tree which she doesn't get to enjoy, but my wife's wise words also come back to mind each time I see our relatively bare tree. It might be odd to say, but we were given an early gift this Christmas season - a reminder that no matter what happens, the real gift of Christmas is always given, waiting to be received.