Racecar dresser and side table



It's been a while since I blogged about a project my wife has completed. I promised in an earlier blog post about pregnancy nesting to write about the dresser drawers and side table that my wife was refurbishing. Yeah, that was a long time ago.








These drawers and the side table have been in my family for many years. They first belonged to my grandparents, then my mom and dad were given the drawers and my sisters and I used them in turn while growing up. When my wife and I bought our first home together, my parents gave them to us and now our children can use them. Here is what they used to look like:



They were in pretty good condition, but I can't help but think of Yoda or gremlins every time I look the handles. Despite the Yoda/gremlin resemblance, when my wife brought up the idea of refurbishing the drawers, I was against it. Yes, I know, I really need to learn to just listen to her better. Seriously. I am one of those guys who is fairly traditional and somewhat sentimental about things. I thought, shoot, these drawers have been in the family for many years and you just want to change them? Her response, "Yeah, that's right. They're kind of ugly." Point taken.



So, here's what she did. First she stripped them down with a sander. Here's the result:

Then she filled in the screw holes for the handles with wood filler and sanded it down again.

Then came the fun part. She painted them blue. Bright blue. After they were dry she added a race car stripe on the front as an accent. She bought racecar flag drawer handles and let me install those.

The bottom portion of the dresser table used to have a door on a hinge, but our 3 year old pulled it off. It was pretty hard to open and close, so we just decided to keep it off for easier access.

 



My wife said that she used regular Behr paint. The racecar stripes are made out of checkered scrapbook paper. She painted some Mod Podge over the scrapbook paper to hold it in place. The racecar flag handles were purchased online.

My son has been enjoying these drawers in his room for about a year now. My wife completed this project when she was in her 2nd trimester of pregnancy. As usual, I'm very impressed with my wife and her talents and think that she did an awesome job!

Broken Wedding Ring

My wedding ring has been through some trauma as of late. A few weeks ago, I lost it. I came home from work, took it off, then.... it was just gone. About a week later it finally turned up. I was wrestling with the kids in the living room and saw it just laying there by my head on the floor. I was very excited to get it back, but also a bit surprised at how it had gone unnoticed in such a high traffic area. I swear, we vacuum. My wife commented that she was very glad that our ten month old didn't try to eat it and choke on it. I'm glad for that, too.

It's safe to say that I have been giving my wedding ring more thought since it was lost and subsequently found. It is quite unique, after all. My wife got me one of those tungsten rings with a cool pattern across the band. That isn't what makes it unique, though. My ring is cracked almost all the way through in one part of the band.

Here's the story: I hate flies. During dinner one day there happened to be a fly buzzing around my face. It was a colder day and my fingers were a bit more thin. I swatted at the fly with my hand, the ring flung off my finger, smacked against the tile floor, and BAM! a big chunk of it flew off.

At first, I was really upset. The ring felt uncomfortable on my finger. I tried to get it replaced or repaired. No protection plan - no help. I thought about replacing it with a new ring, but I didn't really want to get a ring other than the one my wife gave to me in the temple on our wedding day. This ring is special for that reason. I also didn't want to shell out the cash for another ring. I can be kind of tight that way. The break in my ring came up in conversation one day with a patient and he mentioned that the ring had "character." I agree.

A few weeks ago I was looking at the ring and noticed how, because of the break, the ring looks stressed, worn, and fragile - like it was one good smack away from breaking apart completely. Yet it was still intact. For some reason, I was struck with the thought that I was grateful for this break, glad that my ring had a huge tear almost all the way through. It is a reminder of what could happen if I do not take care of it.

...And then I thought about my marriage and my wife. My wife and I have been stressed, worn down, and at times the marriage has seemed somewhat fragile. We have made it through some difficult times, but are still together. I thought about how this ring is a reminder to me of what could possibly happen to my marriage if I don't take care of it, a reminder to me of my responsibility to love and care for my wife. It is a reminder also that marriages, in general, can be fragile if they are not cared for.

Now, please don't misunderstand - I'm not saying that all marriages are inherently weak, that they are one good fight away from plunging into divorce, or that couples should walk around on eggshells for fear of accidentally breaking this fragile entity known as a marriage. I also am not stating that fighting is inherently bad or that fighting will destroy a relationship. A well-known psychologist, Dr. Gottman, has made a career out of researching marriages. He has stated that even couples in very strong marriages fight and have conflict, disagreements, and differences that are seemingly unsolvable. However, the difference is that couples in strong marriages tend to offer their spouse a measure of respect during the process of the argument, fight, or disagreement. This is a gross over-generalization of his statements on this issue, as you may have guessed. If you want more info, feel free to read his books or research articles.

But what I am stating is this: marriage is a type of relationship that if not cared for will break apart. Marriage in our society is a very fragile institution. I'm not sure of the actual rate of divorce in the United States, but everyone seems to quote 50% of marriages end in divorce. Even if that figure is somewhat inflated, the stability of marriage in the US is quite tenuous. I don't really want to enumerate all of the forces at work trying to tear marriages apart, but I will simply say this - there are a lot.

Because marriage can be so fragile, it must be protected, safeguarded, and looked after. In a talk on marriage, H Burton Howard compared marriage to a set of nice silverware that his wife was particularly fond of. He stated, "If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently" just like his wife treated the silverware set differently than any of their other possessions. In doing some reflection, I realized anew the importance of caring for my wife, listening to her, being interested in the things that are important to her, respecting her, sharing her hopes, fears, dreams, etc. When we ignore the needs and desires of our spouse, when we take our spouse for granted, and certainly if we abuse or mistreat our spouse, we are doing damage that could possibly be irreparable.

On the day my wife gave me this ring, it was seemingly perfect, whole, and symbolized the eternal nature of the bond we were creating that day. Now, when I see my ring, I am reminded that a marriage (mine included) is fragile and that because it is breakable I must treat her with more care, must safeguard her, and be there for her. It is still a symbol of that eternal bond, but with an added realization that I must treat her differently.

...and it also reminds me to use a fly swatter.

Lessons from my Wife Working (Outside the Home)

A few months back, my wife decided she wanted to work outside the home. It was a tough decision that she and I came to for a multitude of reasons. Some of these were financial - to help our family pay down debt. Some were emotional and interpersonal - she shared with me that she was struggling with postpartum depression and thought that getting out of the house and having some face time with people who were not children or mommies might do her some good. It was very important to me that I be supportive of her as she struggled to make this choice. She finally indicated that she felt good about starting to work. She put in an application at a local department store and was hired almost immediately.

I was excited for her! She would be able to make some more money, she would be able to get a break from the kids, she would make more friends. I thought these would enrich her life. Also, if this helped with some of the depression, then she would likely be more engaged with the children when she was at home with them. 

I was also excited for me, too. I would get to demonstrate to my wife how awesome I was at childrearing. I would get to do what I wanted with the kids in the evenings and not worry about following her instructions. And yeah, I'll admit it, there was a part of me that thought I could do it better than she did.

As an added bonus, her work was flexible with our schedule. I would be able to go to work during the day and then we would switch cars at the parking lot for my wife's job. It was a perfect scenario. No day care or babysitters. Sweet! Everything was set and perfect.

The first night went off like a charm. I had the kids fed, worn out from playing, in bed, and all went according to plan. I was pretty proud of myself. I probably looked fairly smug, because my wife sat me down on the couch and said, "Honey, don't expect every night to be this easy. It won't always go perfectly."

HOW RIGHT SHE WAS!!!!!!!

There are numerous lessons that I have learned (or are in the process of learning) from this experience of my wife being in the corporate workforce.

1. My wife's job as a mother is HARD!

Some days I'm awesome at it. It all seems to go so smoothly. I can get dinner on while intermittently holding a baby, check over homework, have a dance party to some pop radio station on Pandora, get the kids all worn out, have bath time, get the middle child in bed, then put the baby down, read my oldest daugher a chapter from a Harry Potter book and done. I'm on the couch chilling out by 8:00 (or more likely doing dishes or cleaning the house).
 
But most of the time not so much - like the time I lost my middle child in the mall while trying to feed the baby when we were at the play place. Yeah, that was terrifying. Luckily some concerned mother took him to customer service. Or the times when I have the baby asleep and am picking up the book to start reading to my daughter and he wakes up and starts to cry again. Or the middle child gets out of bed for what seems like the millionth time. Or the many times when my patience is exremely thin, my energy is low and it is all I can do to just get some food on the table (frozen pizza anyone?), turn on a movie for the kids, or send them out to the backyard (if only they would stay out there for more time).

I kid you not, I actually started to have anxiety reactions upon driving from my work to my wife's work to pick up the kids - my stomach would get tight, my shoulders would ache, my knees would start to hurt some. I had to remind myself to take deep breaths and say affirming statements. I was doing psychotherapy on myself. At least I have faith in my own craft, right?

There have been times when I have completely lost my patience, my temper, and I'm sure my son and daughter know some unsavory words thanks to me. I had a few moments, one in particular, where I thought I was completely losing my mind.

I said above that my wife was right about each night not being easy. That's an understatement. Taking care of three kids in the evenings and on the weekends that my wife is at work is a monumental task for me and it has been extremely difficult. It has opened my eyes to the task that my wife faces each day when I am at work. The times when I would come home from work and she would say, "I need to escape for a while" make complete sense now.

2. Practice and experience improve performance

Yes, it has been difficult. Yes, I have lost it on more than one occasion. Yes, some days I just want to check out and "go to the bathroom" (I swear, my kids are going to grow up thinking that I have some kind of gastrointestinal problem with how long it takes me to "go potty" <wink wink>). But, over time, it has gotten easier. This isn't to say that the seams can't come unloose at any moment, but in general the trend has been onward and upward. The days do get relatively easier, the frequency of easier days has increased, and I have a better feel for what should happen, how it should happen, and when it needs to happen. A quote that has been attributed to both Ralph Waldo Emerson and Heber J. Grant seems to sum up how I feel about this:

“That which we persist in doing becomes easy to do; not because the nature of the thing has changed, but because our power to do it has increased.”

Now, I wouldn't say that it is "easy" for me - not by a longshot. But, it is getting easier. I believe that my power to raise these children has increased. Sure, I'm definitely not perfect at it, but I feel much more confident.

This looks like it was probably one of the easy days...


3. My kids love and miss their mommy

Some of you may have read the post I wrote about my wife already having a REAL job as a mother and the conversation my daughter and I had about this. My wife has told me many times that our oldest daughter always wanted her mommy to go out to work. Now that it has become a reality, the grass doesn't seem all that greener on the other side. My daughter has said to me on more than one occasion that she wants her mommy. Now, to be honest, this has mostly happened in the midst of her being disciplined for something and was likely a manipulation attempt. But, there is definitely a joy and happiness that fills my children's faces when mommy comes home on the Saturdays or Sundays she is required to work. The youngest definitely gets excited when mommy comes home at night (if he has been refusing to fall asleep) and he gets his cuddles. It has been nice to see my wife enjoying that moment upon returning home from work - the kids running to give hugs and kisses, and yelling out "mommy!!!". It is quite a re-affirming moment when you realize that (even though the kids might sometimes act like they are plotting your demise) they actually do love you. It has been nice to see how much the children love and adore their mother.

4. I have become a better husband and father

Through it all, this experience has strengthened me. Not too long ago, my wife and I found ourselves in our now former bishop's office discussing some marital and parenting issues. His advice was pretty obvious in theory, but difficult in practice. He told us that in the evenings we both had to be 100% engaged in the work of the family - taking care of kids, getting the dinner on, etc. If we were both united and working side by side, we could own the situation - especially if we had the Lord's help. I don't think I appreciated or really took this advice to heart until my wife went back to work. I had to demonstrate the ability to do it all by myself. I have come to realize what actually has to happen at night. I have shown that I can make it happen. Before, I generally followed my wife's lead and just did what she told me to do (not a bad thing, but certainly not the best). There is a scripture that basically says we shouldn't be commanded in all things, but should do good things of our own accord (D&C 58:26&27). I'm sure that my waiting for her lead in helping out at night was frustrating for my wife.

Now, when my wife has a night off and we are both at home during dinner and the nighttime routine, it is a much sweeter and easier experience for me. I can read that Harry Potter book to my daughter and know that my wife will take care of the crying baby. Or I can put both of the older children to bed so my wife can enjoy her time with the baby. Or any multiple combinations of task division. This has made life easier for my wife and I believe I am better for it.


Some final thoughts:
I hope that I am not being misinterpreted: This is not a clarion call that all mothers should work outside of the home. This post is not advocating for or against that. This happened to be my wife's choice at that time. It has been a difficult process for me, but also for my wife. She could likely write a post of her own about what working outside the home has been like for her (the good and the bad). I continue to maintain what I said in earlier posts that the work my wife does inside the home is of infinitely more value than the work I do outside the home. I continue to affirm that the role of mother is a beautiful one that enriches and blesses the lives of everyone in the family. That being said, my wife's choice was a personal one and I believe the right choice for her at that time. I guess that if this post is advocating for anything it would be the importance of supporting your spouse through decision-making processes and realizing that growth and blessings can come regardless of the choice.

That, and keeping your freezer stocked with frozen pizza - just in case.

Yes, Mommy does have a REAL job - and some pink curtains, too.

When we moved into our home, my wife immediately wanted to make curtains for my daughter's room. Pink ones, of course! I put up some resistance when I realized it would likely be cheaper to just buy some pink curtains and throw them up. Yeah, I'm still learning, but I've only been at this marriage thing for 3 1/2 years, cut me some slack. These curtains took quite a bit of time to make for a few reasons:

1) My wife did not know how to use a sewing machine,
2) My wife did not know how to make the curtains, and
3) These curtains were pretty intense, and quite ruffley I'll add.

In any work environment, there are obstacles that need to be overcome. And that's what my wife did here. First, she got a lesson from a family friend on how to use her sewing machine and obtained some continuing education from her own mother and my mother as well. I must add at this point that I am continually impressed with my wife's ability to learn new skills. Learning to sew on a  machine is just the tip of the iceberg with her. When she puts her mind and will into something, it's going to happen.
Second, she got a pattern and again enlisted the help of both her and my mother to go through the steps of the pattern. For those interested, the pattern for these curtains is found on the link to this blog
Third, she persisted.

Here is a picture of her hard at work:

Here is a picture of the finished product:

For those of you who have been keeping up with this little blog, besides being amazing and beautiful my wife is also pregnant. So, the difficulty level of anything she does is automatically doubled, tripled, or quadrupled. I'm not sure what the exchange rate is between normal work and work while pregnant, but I'm assuming it's pretty high. All I know is that recently, walking has become a chore for my wife - let alone doing anything else.

So, you can imagine my surprise and/or discontent when my daughter and I recently had the following brief conversation that went something like this:

Daughter: Dad, you have to go to work and I have to go to school, but mommy and brother just get to stay home all day and not work.

Me: Well, mommy does work.

Daughter: But, she doesn't have a job.

Me: Yes, she does. She works at home.

Daughter: (looking up and rolling her eyes a bit because, obviously, I wasn't getting her point) But, not a real job where she makes money.

Me: Sweetie, mommy doesn't make money at her job, but it's a very important job. She takes care of brother during the day, she takes care of the home, she's here when you get home from school, and takes care of you. Her job is definitely more important than anything I do at work.

The conversation basically ended here after a quick teaching moment about the merits of homemaking and sticking up for my wife's current chosen profession.

My daughter is seven. Kids this age are notoriously curious about the world and how they fit into it. She has already proclaimed that she will be about a million different occupations when she grows up - ranging from cheerleader (I was not really happy with that one), librarian, cook, psychologist, dentist, music teacher, etc. She is constantly asking questions. All of this, I should add, is very developmentally appropriate.

But, as I think about this conversation, I'm a bit troubled. Based on my daughters comments, it is evident that she has been absorbing social messages about what counts as work, what it means to have a job, and how to evaluate the merits of that job. These are strong messages that our society teaches in fairly certain terms. The basic traditional sense is this: leaving the house to do something and getting paid is what it means to have a job. The value of that job is determined by the amount of money that one is paid. Seems fairly straight forward - except in many many cases it is dead wrong.
Think of teachers - in most states they get paid peanuts compared to the true value they perform.
Think of mothers - most get paid absolutely nothing (in monetary terms).

I guess what frustrates me is that I don't want my daughter to grow up believing that if she is able to choose to be a homemaker than she is less valuable to society or to her family. I don't want her to dismiss the importance of motherhood because society says that it is worthless work, exploitative, or too much trouble. I think that Neal Maxwell summed up the importance of motherhood best with these words:

When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses? When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time.

I also realize that there is legion research, social commentary, feminist thought and essays, and other points of view that discuss various ways to think about and respond to the world of work as it pertains to women. That is outside the scope of this post.

I simply want to highlight that the role of my wife in our family is one that is irreplaceable. Our family would not function without her, and what society needs now most of all is families that function - and function well. A multiplicity of social ills could be cured if we were a nation of families that functioned well - where children grew up knowing they were loved, supported, where their parents had time for them, where appropriate boundaries were consistently enforced, etc. Our family is certainly not perfect and I don't want to paint it as such, but the work of my wife with our children in our home cannot be understated. And though she may not "make money" at her job, the investment that she is making is a sum that will reap eternal benefits and rewards for our family. I am grateful for all she does for me, our children, our home, and (yeah, I'll say it) I'm also grateful for those pink curtains - even if they are super frilly.

Wife's Wisdom: How our Flood didn't Steal Christmas

With the Christmas season upon us, there has been an increased level of activity in our home - particularly in the area of Christmas decorating. During our first Christmas as a married couple, we decided to continue my wife's family's tradition of decorating the tree and home as a family while listening to Christmas music and then enjoy a cup of hot chocolate together. We continued that tradition this year with both of our children joining in. Our older daughter was actually helpful and did a great job getting the ornaments on the tree (albeit mainly bunched in one area). Our two year old mostly ran around the room, but at least he didn't destroy anything.

My wife has an amazing eye for what looks good. She picked out a beautiful Christmas tree, and after the lights and decorations were on, she thought that adding some gold mesh glittery garnish (I really don't know what it's called) would make the tree look just right. She made the garland by getting some gold mesh (which you can probably get at any craft store like Hobby Lobby), bunching it up and creating bulges by tying gold and green pipe cleaners around it. Quite inventive, if you ask me. You can see what I mean below. She spent a great deal of time putting the finishing touches on this tree.

Here is the result:

About a week or so ago, she decided to put some presents under the tree, hoping that our 2 year old wouldn't grab, unwrap, scatter, or otherwise destroy the presents. He has done amazing and hasn't opened a single one.

It was shaping up to be a picture-perfect Christmas in our household.

Then last Saturday happened.

While at a scout activity, I got a text from my wife asking if I knew anyone who had a shop vac that could suck up water. This is not the text you want to get - ever. Then, later, I got a phone call from her, frantically asking if I'd come home early from the activity.

I discovered that the discharge from our washing machine had somehow pulled out of the wall and leaked gallons of water onto the floor and had seaped into our bedroom and the family room carpets. Then, just to make it more interesting, the Christmas tree fell over, spilling water all over the presents and drenching that part of the floor as well.

Here are some pictures of the fallout:

 

After most of the water was wiped up with all of the towels in our house, we used fans and shirts to try and dry out the carpets.

 



 Here I am trying to dry up the carpet with the shop vac where the tree had fallen over.

 We had to pull up the carpet and get the wet padding out to avoid mold. Which put our bedroom in quite a bit of a mess.

Talk about a stressful morning for my wife! To add a bit of perspective to the situation, my wife is in her 3rd trimester of pregnancy, I had been away for the previous 2 days, and she was at home with two young children and her father-in-law who was visiting that morning.

Yet, in the midst of floods and a toppled tree, my wife's wisdom does not disappoint. When the tree fell over (for the second time) my daughter was, naturally, very upset and exclaimed, "Christmas is ruined!" Noticing a teaching moment, my wife stated:

"Christmas is not ruined. Christmas is not about trees or presents, it's about Jesus."

I've thought about my wife's statement quite a bit since our Christmas flood of 2013 (hopefully it won't be an annual thing). We spent a lot of time, energy, and money on the tree, the decorations, and the presents. My wife certainly put a great deal of her soul into making sure the tree was lovely, the presents precisely wrapped, and the decorations on the tree trimmed just right. She loves to make sure things look beautiful and is a natural homemaker. As I've said before, her ability as a homemaker is a beautiful gift that she gives to me and our children each day. And yet she recognized that the tree, the decorations, the beautifully wrapped presents, and even a dry carpet are non-essential Christmas items. She knew that there is truly only one essential Christmas emblem - Christ Himself.

Most presents are likely to be forgotten or broken as time passes; trees will be mulched, trashed, or gather dust in an attic; most decorations eventually break; but God's gift of his Son to each of us is as timeless as eternity.  I believe John put the essence of Christmas best when he wrote:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16). 

I'm grateful for my wife who, right in the midst of what seemed like a Christmas season-ending disaster, had the insight to teach all of us in our family what Christmas is really about.

Since the flood and tree falling incident, we have fixed the carpet (after a couple of late nights) and put the tree back in place. We have yet to redecorate the tree or put the angel on top - it's a combination of fear that it will fall again, not wanting to replace broken lights, and simple laziness since Christmas is so close anyways. So, the tree looks much more plain than it did before. But, each time I look at that tree, I remember our little experience last week. Some of the frustration comes back, as does some sadness for all of the hard work that my wife put into such a beautiful tree which she doesn't get to enjoy, but my wife's wise words also come back to mind each time I see our relatively bare tree. It might be odd to say, but we were given an early gift this Christmas season - a reminder that no matter what happens, the real gift of Christmas is always given, waiting to be received.

Crochet stories: Working in the home, being a nurturer, and a car pattern blanket

As I mentioned in my first post, my wife just recently finished this blanket for our son. It literally took about 1 year for her to complete.

 

 

 I know, it's amazing!

Don't tell him yet, but he's getting this for Christmas. 

Here are some pictures of the blanket in various stages of completion.

 

 

It is basically a patchwork of many small multicolored squares with some edging. Yes, we had little squares all over the place at one point.

My wife decided to make this blanket for our son because he loves cars. When he was just learning to walk he would carry around a cheap metal car from one of those Sonic kids meals. He took it everywhere.

Here is some evidence:

 

 

So, my wife looked through one of her pattern books, found this one and went for it. When she started, I don't think she realized how time intensive it would be. I think she also chose this particular pattern because the stitch (is that a crochet term?) was fairly easy. As with her other crochet items, she has been asked to replicate this for pay. But, how do you put a price tag on that much time? If you count love in time and effort, this blanket will be a monument to my son of his mother's love for him for many years to come. 

A blanket can be such a special gift (yes, I spent some time making fun of blankets in my last post, but only the hideously colored ones). Inspired by her love for our children and a desire to nurture them, my wife wanted to make a nice blanket for each of our kids. Blankets provide warmth, comfort, and a sense of being secure - all things that a mother can provide for her children. I know, I know, dads can too, but I'm not talking about dads right now. When my son falls or gets hurt, he cries, "Mommy, my ____ (fill in the ailing body part)." He is usually all better after a cuddle or a kiss from my wife. Then he can run around like a maniac again and get another bump or bruise. But, he knows that he can be comforted by his mommy. As I think about that, I am so grateful that my wife has cultivated this type of trust in our children. She truly cares about our kids' hurts and ouchies. And they happen a lot, especially to our son - he is 2 after all. I'm not going to say that there aren't times when she gets frazzled, rolls her eyes, or scolds our children. She is human after all. But, the bond that she is creating with our kids is so important in their development because it will provide fertile soil in which they can grow and blossom as individuals and hopefully productive members of society.

David O. McKay stated:

“No other success can compensate for failure in the home.”

What a powerful statement! I'm not going to try to define failure or success in the home because that certainly looks different for each individual. But, for me, I know when I'm too focused on work or my own wants to consider the needs of my wife or kids - that is a problem. I know from multiple experiences that selfish mindset generally doesn't pan out well for me or anyone else in my family.

But, we aren't talking about me, we are talking about my wife...

In addition to being amazing, my wife struggles with what I'm sure many women struggle with - whether to work inside of the home, outside of the home, or both. When we were first dating, she was in school for nursing, then switched a couple times. Most recently, she was doing a real estate program. I often wondered why she so often switched programs - I just figured she hadn't found her niche yet. Recently, in a very candid conversation that I am so grateful for, she confided that each time she was out studying, she felt a strong urge that her place was in the home with her children. She stated that she would often fight the urge because she is such an independent woman (I can totally vouch for that!) and wanted to use her talents in the workforce. Then one day she simply relinquished control over the issue and decided she needed to be at home with her children when they were young. I never really knew what a difficult struggle that was (and sometimes still is) for her and am kind of ashamed in my own failings to be there.

I realize that I'm treading on sacred ground here and that this issue is something with which many women struggle. There are certainly no canned, one-size-fits-all answers for any woman when it comes to the juggling act that is childrearing and earning a living. I only know what my wife told me about her own answer that came in moments of quiet reflection, after a great deal of difficulty, frustration, and in some cases pain.

Let me just say, I am thankful for a wife who realizes that her children are a treasure and that her work inside the home during their early years is of much greater importance than anything I could ever accomplish outside of the home. Again, yes, I also realize that a man's work inside the home is also very important and needed, but again - I'm not talking about me or other men right now.

As I think about my wife, the woman she is, and how much time she is putting into these projects for our children, it seems to me that crochet (or other projects in the home) is a way that she gives of herself and nurtures our children. She was willing to work one year on this blanket just to show our son, who probably won't fully understand until much later, that she loves him very much. 

Yes, she is awesome!

The pattern for this blanket can be found in:
The Big Book of Baby Afghans by Leisure Arts. You can order the book on their website.

It is also available on Amazon at this link

Crochet stories: Cute flower beany

My wife is pretty great at crocheting. She would likely shy away from that statement and say she is just a beginner or some other expression of humility. She doesn't enjoy the limelight very much. In fact, she found out about this little blog recently and, in addition to thinking it was sweet (hooray for good husband points!), she seemed a bit uncomfortable that I was making a big deal out of her projects. So, not only is my wife awesome, she isn't prideful about it. Great combination!

Back to crochet. I really can't remember the first thing she made with crochet, but she has made quite a few impressive items over the past 2 years.

When she told me that she wanted to start crocheting, I was supportive, of course. But, my initial impression of crochet was not very favorable. Picture fairly old ladies in rocking chairs making presents for grandchildren in colors that are not very aesthetically pleasing. You know, burnt orange blankets, the bad kind of multicolored scarfs, or socks that are too big to put your shoes over... that kind of stuff.

Then my wife made this hat:

I thought, Geez, I could see something like that sold in one of those trendy little kid clothing stores that seem to have become so popular recently. I'm not sure if the trendy little kid clothing stores are really a new phenomenon or if I'm just a dad now and have been... we'll say invited... into these stores by my well-intentioned and loving wife. "Yes, the little pink tutus for newborn babies are VERY cute, honey." Moving on...

Speaking of cute, here is my daughter in her hat:

I told you she was cute!

My initial thought about the hats marketability actually came to fruition a bit later. When we moved to Texas from Oklahoma, we first lived in a 2-bedroom apartment. On occasion I would go to the office and chat with the workers who do the billing and show the apartments. My daughter loved going because they had treats and movies to rent. During one of these visits, my daughter was wearing her hat. One of the workers took notice (how could you not?) and asked about it. Of course I bragged about how my wife made it and how she is amazing (kind of like I'm doing now). Turns out this worker had a daughter the same age as my own and wondered if my wife would make another hat for payment. I was very impressed. Wow, someone is actually willing to pay my wife for something she made! I talked to her about it and she agreed.

So, yeah, she doesn't exactly have a small business going. Not at all, actually. But, I think that was another instance that opened my eyes into the talent and incredible abilities that my wife possesses.

I asked my wife about this hat and she said it was a good beginner hat and is pretty easy. So, if you're flirting with the idea of crochet, or want to make a cute hat for yourself or a special little lady in your life, this might be a good one for you to try out.

The pattern for this hat can be found in the Bernat pattern book Accessory Crazy at this link. It is also available on Amazon at this link.

Pregnancy Nesting - A mental & physical health boost

I think I have incontrovertible evidence that nesting during pregnancy not only occurs (already well known), but that it can be healthy - both physically and mentally, which has not been as amply documented.

Here's the story:
My wife and I woke up Wednesday morning pretty early because our son seems to think that 6 am is a great time for being awake and playing. We're trying to train him to sleep in until 7, but it hasn't taken yet. My wife was feeling yucky the entire day. Sick, tired, just blah. Those of you who have been pregnant will probably understand. I haven't been, so I can only imagine. Later in the day I get a text from my wife about how sick she feels and how she wishes I didn't have to be at work that day. When I got home, she was still feeling sick and tired. You're getting the picture - this was an all day affair of pregnancy-induced illness.

On Wednesdays, I teach the 11-year old scouts at church in the evening.  To make it easier on my wife, I brought our daughter to scouts - she had been wanting to go for a long time.

When we get back and get our daughter to bed, my wife is still feeling a bit tired and down. After a TV program together, my wife gets up and decides to work on her current project - refinishing a bedside table and a chest of drawers.

This 'little' project has taken up my car's side of the garage. So, I'm parking in the driveway until this project is completed. The winter is starting to settle in. Getting into a freezing car is something I figured I wouldn't have to deal with once we bought a home. I feel like I'm back in college or living in an apartment still each morning. Basically, we are BOTH motivated for this project to be complete, but probably for different reasons.

Since I just started this little blog project, I tried to sneak a picture or two of my wife hard at work with the electric sander and her surgical mask to keep the dust and varnish particles out of her lungs. Interestingly, she didn't seem as sick at that moment as she adamantly refused for me to snap a picture, claiming that she looked terrible (don't believe it!). So, I didn't get a picture of my beautiful wife working on the project - but I did get some of the results from the evening.

Yes, she does wear pink gloves. Cute, right?

 

 

 

I mentioned at the beginning that I had incontrovertible evidence that nesting was mentally and physically beneficial - that may be somewhat of an overstatement. In fact, my wife's behavior may not even be nesting since much of what I have been reading states that nesting typically occurs during the 3rd trimester, which my wife has not yet entered. It could just be that she really likes doing this - which is also true. I think it is a little of both.

Back to "science". This little experience is clearly not on par with a clinical trial for a medicine or other treatment. At best it is a retrospective n=1 design - and really not a strong one at that. But, I tell you what, after working in the garage for an hour or so, my wife looked better, seemed to be in a better mood, and appeared to feel better physically. Was this actually the same woman who was feeling so down the majority of the day and just moments earlier? That's proof enough for me and I'll take those results any day of the week.

So, I submit to you that pregnancy nesting not only yields positive results in terms of homemaking and preparations for a new baby, but it leads to happier and healthier mothers-to-be. Note of caution, pregnant women should not do heavy lifting, climb ladders, or work with harsh chemicals (especially without ventilation). Those activities would most likely not yield positive benefits. See this article or this article from the American Pregnancy Association for info that is a bit more science-based than the current blog I'm writing.

For any guys who may be reading this (or women who have men in their life - you can pass this advice along), if your wife catches the nesting itch during her pregnancy - don't fight it! And if she requires some help in terms of heavy lifting or ladder climbing, take the opportunity to look macho! You may have to sacrifice some cold mornings in a car that was parked outside all night, some loud noises from an electric sander late into the evening (it's not that loud, anyways), or a few bucks for supplies, or whatever - the sacrifice will be worth the reward. During pregnancy, which is very likely to be filled with stress, strain, and blurred family roles as you pick up more of the slack, you want your wife to be healthier and happier. It'll make your life much happier, too. I know mine is!

You can thank me later.

My wife is awesome: Apologies from a semi-obsessive husband

First, let me just say, my wife is awesome. Her awesomeness is the true inspiration behind this blog. For a short introduction, we got married a bit over 3 years ago. We have 2.5 kids – a beautiful 6 year old little girl, a rascally (but equally adorable) 2 year old boy, and a baby boy coming soon. I hope and pray the second boy is a little more toned down than the first. We'll see, I guess.

Anyways, when my wife and I got married we developed some social roles that probably tend to happen in most marriages. She became more of a spender and I became more of a saver. I'm sure that many a marriage therapist has dealt with this issue. Come to think of it, as a psychologist myself, I've dealt with this issue in some of my own clients.

It's funny what money problems will do to a marriage, and we have certainly had our share of money problems. I guess that tends to happen if you marry in graduate school, make little to nothing, and have a kid at “I do.” Some of the ways that we have tried to deal with the money problems have come in the form of  just trying to spend less, putting up the credit card (actually very effective), going to cash, reading the Dave Ramsey Money Makeover book (we only got through a chapter or two together), having a good number of fights about money, making a budget and subsequently blowing the budget, trying over to made a better budget, doing some extreme couponing (minus the hoarding), etc. Yeah, it's been a bit of a rocky ride and we are still not out of the woods. But, we have finally developed a system that works for us.

This is starting to sound like a finance blog, which it isn't, but finances are a big part of the back story. See, as the self-anointed money saver in the family I have taken it upon myself to try and save or pay down debt as much as I can. My wife, on the other hand, has made a concerted effort to not spend as much as she used to, but occassionally has some... we'll call them lapses. But, it just so happens that she has an amazing gift for doing crafts, decorating, remodeling, revamping furniture, trying awesome new recipes, etc. She is pretty much amazing at the whole homemaking thing.

In actuality, this blog is part confession on my end and part tribute to my wife by showcasing some of the fabulous things that she has created during our married life so far. Why is it a confession? Well, this goes back to the money thing. See, my wife often wants to go to Hobby Lobby or some other craft/home improvement store that carries what she needs for her latest project. I, as the semi-obsessive saver, often tell her no, or say "I don't think we have that in our budget" or something else to dissuade her from her design. It has happened that she gets the stuff anyways outside of the budget, and I have a tendency to get upset at her. This usually starts a fight. Or, it used to. We've come a long way.

I recently realized that my wife has this amazing gift. I should have figured it out earlier. When we first got married, I knew that she was an avid scrapbooker. She had a few books that she had put together already of her daughter and she was eagerly putting together a scrapbook of our wedding.

When we were setting up our first duplex as a married couple, she was the one banging nails into the walls and putting up the family photos, pictures of Jesus, the temple, and other wall décor. Stupidly, I felt like I had to hammer the nails cause I'm the man and, well, since prehistoric times we've been swinging heavy objects. So... it just made evolutionary sense to me. Turns out my wife really didn't want me to put the pictures up and she has been the one primarily doing the decorating – hammer swinging and all. I help sometimes if she lets me.

She has always wanted to try new and interesting recipes to feed the family. I was basically fine eating spaghetti or something easy and cheap each night. Most of these new recipes have turned out great. There was only one misfire. It has become something of legend in our home. My wife says that she's so lucky because I like everything she fixes, then she'll add – except that one thing. Neither of us can remember what it was. I hope we don't accidentally make it again. Here we are enjoying our first homemade Christmas dinner (2012) - actually staying at home instead of staying with parents or in-laws for the holidays.

The only thing out of the box or bag was the stuffing...

Then, about 2 years ago she decided she wanted to pick up crocheting. She asked a friend from church to teach her how. My wife had a couple craft nights with the ladies from the ward and Voila! - a masterful crocheter (is that a word?) was born.

 

Here is a blanket that she just completed:

 

This blanket for our son took her over a year to complete. During that time  we moved twice and other projects came along in the interim.

Sadly and somewhat shamefully throughout most of the 3.5 years of our marrige, I have put up a stink about her buying materials for many of her projects. We recently moved into a house and almost immediately started talking about ways she wants to paint and redecorate some of the rooms. My eyes started rolling – actually, they were seeing dollar signs go up in smoke. How much is all that going to cost? We need to pay off debt. If I had it my way, we would live in a tin can until all of our debt was paid off.

I think I started to get a hint of an idea about the depth of my wife's gift by talking to my mom. She's awesome too, by the way. I was telling her about some recipe or craft or something or other that my wife was doing and my mom says, “You really have a special one there! She is really something. She just puts her mind to something and does it. And it turns out great.”

“Yeah, mom, you're right,” I would say, genuinely, but also realizing that all of these things that she was putting her mind to were taking money out of our pockets.

But my mom's opinion stuck somewhere in my mind. I gave it some more thought. Then, I found myself bragging about my wife to my friends, and showing them pictures of some of the blankets she has made or other things she has done. I'm sure that some of my co-workers are a bit jealous because of the leftovers that I always bring for lunch. Just a couple weeks or so ago I realized that my wife is awesome at homemaking!

She has been trying to develop her talents and make a home that our children and family will cherish. As a couple, we really value the home and try to make it a place of peace, fun, comfort, and learning for our kids and for ourselves. We try to make it a refuge from the world. All this time I have been a hinderance to her goal of homemaking. I always loved the quote by Gordon B. Hinckley that he said about his wife:

 

The women in our lives are creatures endowed with particular qualities, divine qualities, which cause them to reach out in kindness and with love to those about them. We can encourage that outreach if we will give them opportunity to give expression to the talents and impulses that lie within them. In our old age my beloved companion said to me quietly one evening, 'You have always given me wings to fly, and I have loved you for it.'

The first time I heard this, I thought to myself, "Now, that's the kind of husband I want to be." Up until now, ultimate fail! So, in the spirit of turning that around, I am doing this. In addition to actually supporting my wife in her talents, I want to share with others how amazing she is.

Hence this blog.

I actually suggested to my wife a couple weeks ago that she should start a blog about all the crafts that she makes, but she pushed it off and said, “Yeah, cause I keep up with that kind of thing so well.” So, I took it upon myself to start one about her. She doesn't know yet. I started to take pictures of the things that she has made and was working on at the time.

The following posts will show things that she has done so far - foods, furniture projects, crafts, decorations, you name it. It will also be an honor sharing some of our family with you all as well.

Enjoy!