Crochet stories: Working in the home, being a nurturer, and a car pattern blanket

As I mentioned in my first post, my wife just recently finished this blanket for our son. It literally took about 1 year for her to complete.

 

 

 I know, it's amazing!

Don't tell him yet, but he's getting this for Christmas. 

Here are some pictures of the blanket in various stages of completion.

 

 

It is basically a patchwork of many small multicolored squares with some edging. Yes, we had little squares all over the place at one point.

My wife decided to make this blanket for our son because he loves cars. When he was just learning to walk he would carry around a cheap metal car from one of those Sonic kids meals. He took it everywhere.

Here is some evidence:

 

 

So, my wife looked through one of her pattern books, found this one and went for it. When she started, I don't think she realized how time intensive it would be. I think she also chose this particular pattern because the stitch (is that a crochet term?) was fairly easy. As with her other crochet items, she has been asked to replicate this for pay. But, how do you put a price tag on that much time? If you count love in time and effort, this blanket will be a monument to my son of his mother's love for him for many years to come. 

A blanket can be such a special gift (yes, I spent some time making fun of blankets in my last post, but only the hideously colored ones). Inspired by her love for our children and a desire to nurture them, my wife wanted to make a nice blanket for each of our kids. Blankets provide warmth, comfort, and a sense of being secure - all things that a mother can provide for her children. I know, I know, dads can too, but I'm not talking about dads right now. When my son falls or gets hurt, he cries, "Mommy, my ____ (fill in the ailing body part)." He is usually all better after a cuddle or a kiss from my wife. Then he can run around like a maniac again and get another bump or bruise. But, he knows that he can be comforted by his mommy. As I think about that, I am so grateful that my wife has cultivated this type of trust in our children. She truly cares about our kids' hurts and ouchies. And they happen a lot, especially to our son - he is 2 after all. I'm not going to say that there aren't times when she gets frazzled, rolls her eyes, or scolds our children. She is human after all. But, the bond that she is creating with our kids is so important in their development because it will provide fertile soil in which they can grow and blossom as individuals and hopefully productive members of society.

David O. McKay stated:

“No other success can compensate for failure in the home.”

What a powerful statement! I'm not going to try to define failure or success in the home because that certainly looks different for each individual. But, for me, I know when I'm too focused on work or my own wants to consider the needs of my wife or kids - that is a problem. I know from multiple experiences that selfish mindset generally doesn't pan out well for me or anyone else in my family.

But, we aren't talking about me, we are talking about my wife...

In addition to being amazing, my wife struggles with what I'm sure many women struggle with - whether to work inside of the home, outside of the home, or both. When we were first dating, she was in school for nursing, then switched a couple times. Most recently, she was doing a real estate program. I often wondered why she so often switched programs - I just figured she hadn't found her niche yet. Recently, in a very candid conversation that I am so grateful for, she confided that each time she was out studying, she felt a strong urge that her place was in the home with her children. She stated that she would often fight the urge because she is such an independent woman (I can totally vouch for that!) and wanted to use her talents in the workforce. Then one day she simply relinquished control over the issue and decided she needed to be at home with her children when they were young. I never really knew what a difficult struggle that was (and sometimes still is) for her and am kind of ashamed in my own failings to be there.

I realize that I'm treading on sacred ground here and that this issue is something with which many women struggle. There are certainly no canned, one-size-fits-all answers for any woman when it comes to the juggling act that is childrearing and earning a living. I only know what my wife told me about her own answer that came in moments of quiet reflection, after a great deal of difficulty, frustration, and in some cases pain.

Let me just say, I am thankful for a wife who realizes that her children are a treasure and that her work inside the home during their early years is of much greater importance than anything I could ever accomplish outside of the home. Again, yes, I also realize that a man's work inside the home is also very important and needed, but again - I'm not talking about me or other men right now.

As I think about my wife, the woman she is, and how much time she is putting into these projects for our children, it seems to me that crochet (or other projects in the home) is a way that she gives of herself and nurtures our children. She was willing to work one year on this blanket just to show our son, who probably won't fully understand until much later, that she loves him very much. 

Yes, she is awesome!

The pattern for this blanket can be found in:
The Big Book of Baby Afghans by Leisure Arts. You can order the book on their website.

It is also available on Amazon at this link

Crochet stories: Cute flower beany

My wife is pretty great at crocheting. She would likely shy away from that statement and say she is just a beginner or some other expression of humility. She doesn't enjoy the limelight very much. In fact, she found out about this little blog recently and, in addition to thinking it was sweet (hooray for good husband points!), she seemed a bit uncomfortable that I was making a big deal out of her projects. So, not only is my wife awesome, she isn't prideful about it. Great combination!

Back to crochet. I really can't remember the first thing she made with crochet, but she has made quite a few impressive items over the past 2 years.

When she told me that she wanted to start crocheting, I was supportive, of course. But, my initial impression of crochet was not very favorable. Picture fairly old ladies in rocking chairs making presents for grandchildren in colors that are not very aesthetically pleasing. You know, burnt orange blankets, the bad kind of multicolored scarfs, or socks that are too big to put your shoes over... that kind of stuff.

Then my wife made this hat:

I thought, Geez, I could see something like that sold in one of those trendy little kid clothing stores that seem to have become so popular recently. I'm not sure if the trendy little kid clothing stores are really a new phenomenon or if I'm just a dad now and have been... we'll say invited... into these stores by my well-intentioned and loving wife. "Yes, the little pink tutus for newborn babies are VERY cute, honey." Moving on...

Speaking of cute, here is my daughter in her hat:

I told you she was cute!

My initial thought about the hats marketability actually came to fruition a bit later. When we moved to Texas from Oklahoma, we first lived in a 2-bedroom apartment. On occasion I would go to the office and chat with the workers who do the billing and show the apartments. My daughter loved going because they had treats and movies to rent. During one of these visits, my daughter was wearing her hat. One of the workers took notice (how could you not?) and asked about it. Of course I bragged about how my wife made it and how she is amazing (kind of like I'm doing now). Turns out this worker had a daughter the same age as my own and wondered if my wife would make another hat for payment. I was very impressed. Wow, someone is actually willing to pay my wife for something she made! I talked to her about it and she agreed.

So, yeah, she doesn't exactly have a small business going. Not at all, actually. But, I think that was another instance that opened my eyes into the talent and incredible abilities that my wife possesses.

I asked my wife about this hat and she said it was a good beginner hat and is pretty easy. So, if you're flirting with the idea of crochet, or want to make a cute hat for yourself or a special little lady in your life, this might be a good one for you to try out.

The pattern for this hat can be found in the Bernat pattern book Accessory Crazy at this link. It is also available on Amazon at this link.

Pregnancy Nesting - A mental & physical health boost

I think I have incontrovertible evidence that nesting during pregnancy not only occurs (already well known), but that it can be healthy - both physically and mentally, which has not been as amply documented.

Here's the story:
My wife and I woke up Wednesday morning pretty early because our son seems to think that 6 am is a great time for being awake and playing. We're trying to train him to sleep in until 7, but it hasn't taken yet. My wife was feeling yucky the entire day. Sick, tired, just blah. Those of you who have been pregnant will probably understand. I haven't been, so I can only imagine. Later in the day I get a text from my wife about how sick she feels and how she wishes I didn't have to be at work that day. When I got home, she was still feeling sick and tired. You're getting the picture - this was an all day affair of pregnancy-induced illness.

On Wednesdays, I teach the 11-year old scouts at church in the evening.  To make it easier on my wife, I brought our daughter to scouts - she had been wanting to go for a long time.

When we get back and get our daughter to bed, my wife is still feeling a bit tired and down. After a TV program together, my wife gets up and decides to work on her current project - refinishing a bedside table and a chest of drawers.

This 'little' project has taken up my car's side of the garage. So, I'm parking in the driveway until this project is completed. The winter is starting to settle in. Getting into a freezing car is something I figured I wouldn't have to deal with once we bought a home. I feel like I'm back in college or living in an apartment still each morning. Basically, we are BOTH motivated for this project to be complete, but probably for different reasons.

Since I just started this little blog project, I tried to sneak a picture or two of my wife hard at work with the electric sander and her surgical mask to keep the dust and varnish particles out of her lungs. Interestingly, she didn't seem as sick at that moment as she adamantly refused for me to snap a picture, claiming that she looked terrible (don't believe it!). So, I didn't get a picture of my beautiful wife working on the project - but I did get some of the results from the evening.

Yes, she does wear pink gloves. Cute, right?

 

 

 

I mentioned at the beginning that I had incontrovertible evidence that nesting was mentally and physically beneficial - that may be somewhat of an overstatement. In fact, my wife's behavior may not even be nesting since much of what I have been reading states that nesting typically occurs during the 3rd trimester, which my wife has not yet entered. It could just be that she really likes doing this - which is also true. I think it is a little of both.

Back to "science". This little experience is clearly not on par with a clinical trial for a medicine or other treatment. At best it is a retrospective n=1 design - and really not a strong one at that. But, I tell you what, after working in the garage for an hour or so, my wife looked better, seemed to be in a better mood, and appeared to feel better physically. Was this actually the same woman who was feeling so down the majority of the day and just moments earlier? That's proof enough for me and I'll take those results any day of the week.

So, I submit to you that pregnancy nesting not only yields positive results in terms of homemaking and preparations for a new baby, but it leads to happier and healthier mothers-to-be. Note of caution, pregnant women should not do heavy lifting, climb ladders, or work with harsh chemicals (especially without ventilation). Those activities would most likely not yield positive benefits. See this article or this article from the American Pregnancy Association for info that is a bit more science-based than the current blog I'm writing.

For any guys who may be reading this (or women who have men in their life - you can pass this advice along), if your wife catches the nesting itch during her pregnancy - don't fight it! And if she requires some help in terms of heavy lifting or ladder climbing, take the opportunity to look macho! You may have to sacrifice some cold mornings in a car that was parked outside all night, some loud noises from an electric sander late into the evening (it's not that loud, anyways), or a few bucks for supplies, or whatever - the sacrifice will be worth the reward. During pregnancy, which is very likely to be filled with stress, strain, and blurred family roles as you pick up more of the slack, you want your wife to be healthier and happier. It'll make your life much happier, too. I know mine is!

You can thank me later.

My wife is awesome: Apologies from a semi-obsessive husband

First, let me just say, my wife is awesome. Her awesomeness is the true inspiration behind this blog. For a short introduction, we got married a bit over 3 years ago. We have 2.5 kids – a beautiful 6 year old little girl, a rascally (but equally adorable) 2 year old boy, and a baby boy coming soon. I hope and pray the second boy is a little more toned down than the first. We'll see, I guess.

Anyways, when my wife and I got married we developed some social roles that probably tend to happen in most marriages. She became more of a spender and I became more of a saver. I'm sure that many a marriage therapist has dealt with this issue. Come to think of it, as a psychologist myself, I've dealt with this issue in some of my own clients.

It's funny what money problems will do to a marriage, and we have certainly had our share of money problems. I guess that tends to happen if you marry in graduate school, make little to nothing, and have a kid at “I do.” Some of the ways that we have tried to deal with the money problems have come in the form of  just trying to spend less, putting up the credit card (actually very effective), going to cash, reading the Dave Ramsey Money Makeover book (we only got through a chapter or two together), having a good number of fights about money, making a budget and subsequently blowing the budget, trying over to made a better budget, doing some extreme couponing (minus the hoarding), etc. Yeah, it's been a bit of a rocky ride and we are still not out of the woods. But, we have finally developed a system that works for us.

This is starting to sound like a finance blog, which it isn't, but finances are a big part of the back story. See, as the self-anointed money saver in the family I have taken it upon myself to try and save or pay down debt as much as I can. My wife, on the other hand, has made a concerted effort to not spend as much as she used to, but occassionally has some... we'll call them lapses. But, it just so happens that she has an amazing gift for doing crafts, decorating, remodeling, revamping furniture, trying awesome new recipes, etc. She is pretty much amazing at the whole homemaking thing.

In actuality, this blog is part confession on my end and part tribute to my wife by showcasing some of the fabulous things that she has created during our married life so far. Why is it a confession? Well, this goes back to the money thing. See, my wife often wants to go to Hobby Lobby or some other craft/home improvement store that carries what she needs for her latest project. I, as the semi-obsessive saver, often tell her no, or say "I don't think we have that in our budget" or something else to dissuade her from her design. It has happened that she gets the stuff anyways outside of the budget, and I have a tendency to get upset at her. This usually starts a fight. Or, it used to. We've come a long way.

I recently realized that my wife has this amazing gift. I should have figured it out earlier. When we first got married, I knew that she was an avid scrapbooker. She had a few books that she had put together already of her daughter and she was eagerly putting together a scrapbook of our wedding.

When we were setting up our first duplex as a married couple, she was the one banging nails into the walls and putting up the family photos, pictures of Jesus, the temple, and other wall décor. Stupidly, I felt like I had to hammer the nails cause I'm the man and, well, since prehistoric times we've been swinging heavy objects. So... it just made evolutionary sense to me. Turns out my wife really didn't want me to put the pictures up and she has been the one primarily doing the decorating – hammer swinging and all. I help sometimes if she lets me.

She has always wanted to try new and interesting recipes to feed the family. I was basically fine eating spaghetti or something easy and cheap each night. Most of these new recipes have turned out great. There was only one misfire. It has become something of legend in our home. My wife says that she's so lucky because I like everything she fixes, then she'll add – except that one thing. Neither of us can remember what it was. I hope we don't accidentally make it again. Here we are enjoying our first homemade Christmas dinner (2012) - actually staying at home instead of staying with parents or in-laws for the holidays.

The only thing out of the box or bag was the stuffing...

Then, about 2 years ago she decided she wanted to pick up crocheting. She asked a friend from church to teach her how. My wife had a couple craft nights with the ladies from the ward and Voila! - a masterful crocheter (is that a word?) was born.

 

Here is a blanket that she just completed:

 

This blanket for our son took her over a year to complete. During that time  we moved twice and other projects came along in the interim.

Sadly and somewhat shamefully throughout most of the 3.5 years of our marrige, I have put up a stink about her buying materials for many of her projects. We recently moved into a house and almost immediately started talking about ways she wants to paint and redecorate some of the rooms. My eyes started rolling – actually, they were seeing dollar signs go up in smoke. How much is all that going to cost? We need to pay off debt. If I had it my way, we would live in a tin can until all of our debt was paid off.

I think I started to get a hint of an idea about the depth of my wife's gift by talking to my mom. She's awesome too, by the way. I was telling her about some recipe or craft or something or other that my wife was doing and my mom says, “You really have a special one there! She is really something. She just puts her mind to something and does it. And it turns out great.”

“Yeah, mom, you're right,” I would say, genuinely, but also realizing that all of these things that she was putting her mind to were taking money out of our pockets.

But my mom's opinion stuck somewhere in my mind. I gave it some more thought. Then, I found myself bragging about my wife to my friends, and showing them pictures of some of the blankets she has made or other things she has done. I'm sure that some of my co-workers are a bit jealous because of the leftovers that I always bring for lunch. Just a couple weeks or so ago I realized that my wife is awesome at homemaking!

She has been trying to develop her talents and make a home that our children and family will cherish. As a couple, we really value the home and try to make it a place of peace, fun, comfort, and learning for our kids and for ourselves. We try to make it a refuge from the world. All this time I have been a hinderance to her goal of homemaking. I always loved the quote by Gordon B. Hinckley that he said about his wife:

 

The women in our lives are creatures endowed with particular qualities, divine qualities, which cause them to reach out in kindness and with love to those about them. We can encourage that outreach if we will give them opportunity to give expression to the talents and impulses that lie within them. In our old age my beloved companion said to me quietly one evening, 'You have always given me wings to fly, and I have loved you for it.'

The first time I heard this, I thought to myself, "Now, that's the kind of husband I want to be." Up until now, ultimate fail! So, in the spirit of turning that around, I am doing this. In addition to actually supporting my wife in her talents, I want to share with others how amazing she is.

Hence this blog.

I actually suggested to my wife a couple weeks ago that she should start a blog about all the crafts that she makes, but she pushed it off and said, “Yeah, cause I keep up with that kind of thing so well.” So, I took it upon myself to start one about her. She doesn't know yet. I started to take pictures of the things that she has made and was working on at the time.

The following posts will show things that she has done so far - foods, furniture projects, crafts, decorations, you name it. It will also be an honor sharing some of our family with you all as well.

Enjoy!